Like completely worn out.
I got an e-mail from the Center for American Progress today about a new Leadership Institute they developed for people interested in policy changes/making that affects communities of color in the U.S. I started my application, but then I started thinking "Why am I doing this?" ... Part of me wants to do it. Part of me thinks it would be really cool. But most of me is saying "Really Dyci?? Do we have to do this again??" I realized that I was only applying because that's what I think someone expects me to do. No one has verbally said it, but I feel like everyone is anticipating my next move, and it has to be HUGE. I mean after declining enrollment into one of the best graduate programs in the world, I better have something good up my sleeve right? UGA Amazing Student. The Root's 25 under 21 that will change the world. Published articles at the most popular progressive think tank in this country. Founder and Executive director of a registered nonprofit organization. All this before I turned 22. How do I follow all that up?? I mean I have to go bigger. At least that's how I feel. ... But going bigger requires more work. More energy. More time. And I am tired. 6 years of full speed ahead will wear you out. Junior and senior year of high school I told myself I would work work work and rest in the summer. But I went straight into full-time work a week after graduating high school. And it was full throttle from there. So senior year of college I told myself I'd play play pay after graduation ... But now I feel like I'm not living up to everyone's expectations.
I follow the blog of an amazing girl named Olivia that I met at CGIU and she talks about all the amazing things she is doing. She's pretty much the ish. Like, no, really. She is one of the great Millennials. She's going to work for the UN or something super dope like that. I used to read her blog and feel really bad about not doing more, but then I got tired just thinking about how tired I am LOL. Then I didn't feel bad anymore. Back in the day when I was 21 I had the energy for all that, but at 22 I'm over it. lol You know, now that I'm old and stuff.
Right now I'm focusing on working and saving money. Doing some promo/liquor modeling on the side and still updating my port with new images so I can get a comp card made. The images I'm using now are getting me small jobs, but if I want to do some real modeling I gotta step my game up. Speaking of modeling, a few days ago...well maybe more like a little over a week ago...anywho, it doesn't matter when it was...one of my Facebook friends felt the need to tell me that my Facebook profile picture was nice, but if I didn't intend to be a model I should trash it because it would come back to haunt me, more or less. She was very polite about it and I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but I didn't. This is the photo she was referring to:
Personally, I think this is a *damn good* fashion shot! You would think I was on the cover of KING magazine the way she was talking. In a thong or something. I get where she is coming from, but that is one of the things that turns me off to the whole corporate/professional world. I feel like I can't be smart AND pretty. Its one or the other. If I'm too pretty I won't be taken seriously. If I model I have to be super conscientious about what shoots I do because in my future professional life someone might think my modeling was unprofessional. One time I had a boss tell me that I should follow the dress code better because I wasn't wearing business clothes, but instead, it looked like I was modeling business clothes...So I am wearing business clothes...I just look too good in them? Is that what she was saying?? LOL Like really??
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