I'm Going to Live My Life...

*Nope. I'm still not proofreading my blog posts* LOL

Well, a few people have asked where I've been and why I haven't been writing. I just haven't felt like I had anything worth saying LOL. The past few weeks, however, have been hectic. Not in terms of life, but just in terms of my thoughts. My brain is always in motion. Literally. Even when I'm sleeping I'm dreaming about the things I was thinking about before I went to bed. It is very exhausting to say the least. But after 3 weeks of thinking, I've finally figured out how to get everything out in words, which is a tad bit relaxing. So, what have I been thinking about? The three things dominating my life...well maybe there are 4...yeah, let's go with 4...are:

1. MODEL26: not going to be able to get away from this. I am literally the mother to this organization and treat it as my child. You know, as much as a mother might want to get rid of a difficult child, she loves it anyway and does everything she can to provide for it? That's where I am right now with this organization. Don't get me wrong, I love it with all my heart and know that it's worth the time, but sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and let.it.go. Thankfully, however, I have been blessed with the world's greatest staff and interns. M26 would be absolutely nothing without them. And my intern, Julia. God knows she is literally heaven sent. I love talking to her! Whenever something happens right on time or miraculously works out she says, "That was God timing." Ya know, instead of good timing. I think that's so cute!

2. Graduate School v. Life: Graduate school in Europe is out. I'm crazy right??!! Two years in Europe getting two Master's degrees and living life in England and Barcelona?! Yup, I'm passing it up. My heart just ain't in it. I've tried to make myself excited about it, and I'm just not. After being in Nica and Peru I know my heart is in Central and South America. I mean, who doesn't want to visit Europe...but living there and going to school? Nah. Maybe later...In other news, I went to e-mail the program coordinator to tell them I wasn't coming, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides, it's only July LOL. Of course, if she reads this she will know. So what am I going to do since I'm not moving to Europe on October 1. I'm going to live my life.

I'm working now to save money to do some more MODEL26 site visits (Brazil, Colombia, DR, Haiti). Hopefully by October I will be ready to leave. I'm thinking of going back to Nica for a few weeks/months to help with the education team. I'll be working on my Fulbright ETA application while I'm doing all of this traveling and working. Applying for Colombia this year. I was a finalist for Spain last year, so fingers crossed I'll actually get it this time around. I thought about getting an internship in DC in the fall and getting back into some policy work, but I really can't be confined to a schedule right now. I need to be ready to get up and leave when I want to and not worry about getting a bad review or using vacation days. That life just isn't for me. I also thought about doing some freelance writing, but writing is only fun when someone isn't making you do it.

3. Modeling/Acting: Yup. I've dabbled in modeling a bit, but never took it seriously because I was a geek and had to write papers and run NGOs and whatnot. Once I graduated I decided to try to get back into modeling...and somehow stumbled across an acting agent as well. Apparently being a Gemini really does make you a natural acting. When I auditioned my agent asked, "And you're sure you've never had an acting class?"...What she doesn't know if that I've been a drama queen for 22 years! So I start acting classes this week because I don't know what "slating" is and all those other technical terms I need to know about this business. Evidently being an actor is more than just reciting lines. It is also evident that you don't have to actually be GOOD at acting to get a job. Case in point: Single Ladies.

4. My faith: Now this isn't down here at #4 because it's the least important. That's just the way the numbers fell. Anywho, when I was in Athens I fell in love with Cornerstone Church. I literally wanted to go to church everyday (and I did go 3-4 times a week). I loved the people, the message, the worship, the diversity. EVERYTHING! I feel into my little niche with the young ladies ministry and really had my group of go-to girls when I needed to talk about something. I've genuinely felt completely lost in my faith since I haven't had them. At first I felt really guilty about it because, let's be honest, it's not like I've taken it upon myself to do my daily Bible reading or even listen to a message online. But then I listened to a message online where the pastor spoke about the importance of community and having a mentor to disciple you. I thought growing in my faith was something I could do alone. Something I could do without my Cornerstone ladies, but I was sadly mistaken. My mom attends church here in Atlanta, but I really can't get into the big megachurch thing anymore after having such a tight relationship with everyone at Cornerstone. I went to a new church a few weeks ago, but it didn't move me. Maybe I'll give it another try this weekend, but if anyone has any suggestions for a good, diverse (in ethnicity and age) church with small groups please let me know!

*I would also like to mention that next moth marks the 11th month that I have not had a boyfriend. That may not seem like a big deal to many of you, but my friends and I will have to celebrate this soon! You know who you are!!*